A New, Healthier Journey...

Thursday, 1 August 2019

I can't say that this is the kind of post I ever thought i'd be posting, but yes you are reading that title correctly. So, this all started with my driving lessons - I started those a few months ago, and as much as I am loving driving and can't wait to (hopefully) pass my test soon, it is ridiculously expensive to keep regular lessons up, so I had to nip my reckless money habits in the bud, and make changes like taking my own lunch into work rather than letting those fivers add up everyday. When I started making my own lunches, I become more aware of what I was eating, and as someone who has avoided looking in a mirror for longer than 5 seconds for as long as I can remember, it's safe to say I had completely let myself go.

My weight is something I have been extremely conscious of all my life. I have spent the majority of my time being "the fat friend" and I trained my mind to turn a blind eye to it because if I didn't show I was bothered, then no one could hurt me with it. There's a scene in My Mad Fat Diary (greatest UK teen show ever, by the way) that really resonated with me; Rae is speaking to Stacey about her eating habits and why she cannot eat in front of people. She says "If I eat healthy food, people will think, who are you trying to kid love, you didn't get to that size by eating salads" and i've had that horrible, damaging mentality for my entire adult life.

A lot of this, if not all of this, stems from my anxiety disorder. My ignorance towards my diet was to just ignore it so it didn't draw attention to it. However, now i'm getting older and I have a job I enjoy, i'm in a healthy, secure relationship, removed negative people from my life, and I generally just feel more mentally stable, I decided it's time to enhance my confidence and stop hiding behind baggy hoodies. The amount of times i'll go into a shop and see clothes I like, but immediately turn away because it "wont look nice on me" or doesn't come in my size, is uncountable, and that's no way to live.

© Channel 4 / My Mad Fat Diary

With this being said, I don't believe in "diets". Life is far too short to completely limit yourself, and if you restrict yourself so much you will end up resenting your "diet" and not sticking to it. I'm just being more mindful, and more active. My weekdays now usually consist of a salad for lunch rather than a sandwich, and if i'm having a jacket potato for dinner I don't drown it in so much cheese that you can't even see the potato anymore. My biggest downfall with my diet was the amount of unnecessary snacking - I would constantly be picking at food; crisps, chocolate, anything. I would eat for the sake of eating, and not just when I was hungry. It's been nearly a month since I started this healthier journey and I am so proud to say I have completely ditched binge snacking and even in a short space of time it has made such a difference in how I feel about myself. Things like switching out a Wispa for an Alpen is such a small, accessible change that can make such a great difference over time.

Now, i'm not going to say I now have the healthiest diet in the world now because I absolutely don't. Paige and I had a pizza at the weekend (which I initially felt extremely guilty about but she is the best human in the world and made me stop doubting myself) but it is such a vast improvement compared to where I was, that I allow myself these small "treats" so I can actually enjoy life. It's all about moderation, and most importantly it's about being mentally ready to make changes. A lot of my hesitance stemmed from being scared of what people thought if I did go off-track for a day, or a week, but the older you get, the less you worry about what people think of you. I live my life for me and my future, and if I want my future to be happy and healthy, I need to re-build my confidence and make myself the best I can be. The key word here is "journey"; all journeys have up's and down's - aka healthy days and less healthy days - but what's important is how you manage those up's and down's. We are continuously learning and growing, and we have to be kind to ourselves.

As well as the food changes, I have been improving on my fitness. I have always been a walker so most days I do tend to get my 10,000 steps in, but asides from that, exercise was pretty much a foreign language to me. But, I just bought a Fitbit, and trawled the internet for home work-outs that suited me. I spend around 20-30 minutes most evenings doing dance work outs and feeling like an absolute queen! Honestly, if working out feels alien to you, try dancing - it's so much more fun and most of the time doesn't even feel like you're working out. I really recommend The Fitness Marshall on YouTube who gets you working up a sweat with choreography to absolute bangers.

Once i've built my fitness up a bit more in the comfort of my own home, I am hoping to start a bit of running, and my ultimate goal is to join the gym. As someone that knows zero about cardio and equipment, stepping foot in a gym is something that absolutely terrifies me, but i'll get there. The key to bettering your health is baby-steps, and not taking on too much too fast. I'm actually excited about my journey and that speaks volumes in telling me that i'm ready.

I want to document my journey on my blog and social media platforms, but something I won't be disclosing is numbers. As someone who has a very sensitive relationship with food, I am wary of being triggering and do not want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. The number on the scales or on the label inside your clothes does not define who you are, and as long as you feel good about yourself, the number is irrelevant. Numbers is not what this journey is, and I hope you will enjoy, support and encourage that. I would love any food, fitness, YouTube channel and general recommendations in the comments; tell me your story, ask me your questions. Writing this post has been really difficult for me; putting an insecurity out into the public is always going to be really daunting, but here we are! Let's go...

© Image Source: Pexels

Whould you like to comment?

  1. Good luck on your healthier journey, I have a similar back story and it sounds like your making the best positive changes and taking steps forward xx

    1. Thank you so much, Sian! You're super inspiring so means a lot x


Get more nice stuff in your inbox!