Guest Post: Stuttering Through Life

Monday, 22 August 2016

From as early as I can remember I've had a stutter. As soon as I could talk, my mum said I found it hard to string a sentence together. The doctors had no answers as to why, but suggested speech therapy. By the age of seven, the only way I could talk was if i was touching or stroking my face with both hands. I'm not really sure how I got out of the whole touching my face to talk, but by the age of 10 I hardly spoke in school or at home. 

I got bullied throughout my school life. Not so much in primary school, but by secondary school, life got a lot harder. I guess no one wants to sit next to the kid who struggles to talk. Through my childhood I was a very anxious kid, struggling to fit in and interact with other kids my own age. I guess you could say I was the classic loner kid story. 

Now as a young adult the stutter is still there, but I've managed to control it in ways. I'm still very anxious and will avoid social interactions, and if i'm around more then 4 people I normally stay silent. But for the last 8 months something else has been going on. It started with having little fits at night when I tried to sleep, which then started getting worse and worse. The doctor was called out and he checked my vital signs, but found everything normal so it was left, and he just suggested I see a therapist. 

A few months had passed, and I was still having fits at night, but now my whole body was freezing up and I was struggling to breathe. This lead to me physically choking in my sleep and collapsing during the day. Another trip to the doctors, however this new doctor prescribed me anti-depression medication called Mirtazapine. I only found out two days after I attempted suicide that these tablets had actually made me worse. 

The anxiety and fear of sleeping during the night is too much for my brain or body to handle, so it's currently been 32 days since I slept at night. The doctors still have no idea whats happening inside my brain, so i'm waiting on a neurologist and have a visit from the mental health team which should be later this month. It's still a waiting game for me, but I am now on some new tablets which seem to be less harsh than Mirtazapine was for me.

I guess you could say i'm still on my mental health journey, and during that time I make YouTube videos where i'm brutally honest about my struggles whilst playing video games. You can check out a video where I talk more positively about my current situation and writing for JYDMRA here.

Written by Charlie David

Would you like to comment?

Get more nice stuff in your inbox!